Good Ones

Never Argue with a Woman

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, `Good morning, Ma`am. What are you doing?`
`Reading a book,` she replies, (thinking, `Isn`t that obvious?`)
`You`re in a Restricted Fishing Area,` he informs her
`I`m sorry, officer, but I`m not fishing. I`m reading`
`Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I`ll have to take you in and write you up.`
`For reading a book,` she replies,
`You`re in a Restricted Fishing Area,` he informs her again,
`I`m sorry, officer, but I`m not fishing. I`m reading`
`Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I`ll have to take you in and write you up.`
`If you do that, I`ll have to charge you with Sexual assault,’ says the woman.
`But I haven`t even touched you,` says the game warden.
`Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.'
`Have a nice day ma`am,` and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It`s likely she can also think.

The Priest and the Drunk

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway next to a priest. The man`s tie was stained; his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, Say Father,what causes arthritis?`
The priest replies, `My Son, it`s caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath.`
The drunk muttered in response," well, I`ll be damned", then returned to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. `I`m very sorry. I diddn`t mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?`
The drunk answered, "I don`t have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."