Three hours at Frankfurt

Ajit

As I prepared myself to settle in the waiting lounge seat at Frankfurt airport I looked around to check for familiar faces. Usually I am a private person but I like to hear upon conversations. My niece was travelling with me to visit India. Grown up in the US of A she wanted to experience “spirituality” in India. She was in her own world with her Ipod.
 

The previous flight from New York had made me very tired.

I looked around and among the many Indian faces I saw Ritu. Almost two decades of separation and I still found my heart going away. She was busy trying to give instructions to the teenager beside her. Was it her kid? I looked around to search for Gaurav. A few glances and I understood that she was travelling with her son. For a moment I thought that we had made eye contact but she seemed too busy instructing her kid. Even as I continued to spy her, my mind went back sixteen years.

Ours was an almost arranged marriage....meaning we knew each other and then it was arranged. Though it was arranged, Ritu and I were happy that both of us shared a common passion – singing. The first couple of years were the best of our lives … our maybe "my" life. We were working and yet seemed to find time to participate and attend to musical programmes. She was a tad more ambitious and seemed to be in a hurry to reach the next level in music as well as in society.

Gaurav was introduced to us in one such programme. He was an ambitious kind of person and a go getter. I used to wonder how he would progress in the field of music with his arrogance. But he had impressed Ritu a lot. They developed a solid rapport and slowly I found myself sidelined. In a years time of knowing him things changed so dramatically, that one day Ritu confessed me that she wanted to separate from me. I had tried to reason out with her but she found me to be too slow in pursuing “our” goals.

Ritu leaving me took a severe toll on my health.... I suffered a stroke. I was gathering pieces of my life when my throat developed a cyst. It was too late to save the voice box and my voice got affected permanently. Speaking is a huge effort ever since.
 

A few years later I came to know that she had married Gaurav and they were settled in USA or Canada. I changed jobs and settled well in IT. It was actually the only choice I had, as I cannot speak. I resisted  the thought of getting married again and preferred to remain single. And now even after so many years I find myself yearning for her.

Ritu

It’s been over three hours at Frankfurt and have to kill another three till our flight takes off. I had thought that Neil would be a support during this travel but my teenager was happy in his own world. I was visiting India almost after five years. Sitting at the lounge I asked Neil to get some snacks.

Instead he replied by saying, ”Mom, don’t look surprised but a gentleman in black suit, golden rimmed glasses, four rows on your left seems to be staring at you for quite some time. Do you know him?”

As I sent Neil to get the snacks I glanced at the person and instantly recognized Ajit. A second was enough to see that he had greyed, looked a bit slimmer and who was that beautiful girl besides him? Did he marry? Neil returned with the snacks and my mind went into flashback.

When I married Ajit, I always thought he was so balanced and mature. Music was the common passion for both of us and we were generally very happy. Though Ajit was better than me in singing, he preferred to keep singing as a hobby. I wanted to get out of the 9 to 6 grind and take music and singing as a full time profession. I was willing to take the risks but always thought it better having the security of a regular job.

We met Gaurav through a common friend. He was a little to fast and I knew Ajit would disapprove of him, but somehow we spent some evenings together in some concerts. We developed a very good rapport. He wanted to get into Hindi film singing for the cash it offered. He was prepared for compromises in order to get that one chance. I liked his attitude.

We approached some music directors in the Hindi film industry. Off course I had kept this from Ajit ‘cos I knew he would disapprove. As time went by Gaurav and I grew fond of each other and it was only a question of time for us to take that next step.

One Sunday evening I broke the news to Ajit that I wanted to separate from him. I was prepared for all his questions. But I knew him too well. He was too mature to react violently. He asked me if I was seeing anyone else. That was the first time I lied to him. I replied in the negative. I told him that I wanted to search opportunities in Hindi film singing and wanted to move to Mumbai. He suggested that we can always stay married and I can pursue whatever I wanted. But I was firm in my decision that finding work in Mumbai would mean late nights and irregular timings. That would only increase the tension between us.

We spoke for about four hours that evening and ultimately Ajit gave in to my demand. I knew what I was doing and what I was getting into. I was ditching a trusted hubby and venturing into the unknown just following my heart.
 

We tried very hard for three-four years, but could not get a foothold in the Hindi film industry. In the meanwhile Gaurav had applied for migration to Canada, and that went through. We left India to begin life afresh. Gaurav found a job. We had Neil the next year. A few years past by, we were able to save some money, when I lost Gaurav.

It was just another ordinary day. I was preparing the evening meal and Neil his homework when I heard Gaurav falling down clutching his heart. The days that followed were very tough. I had to search for a job to support us. We shifted to an apartment that had a lower rent and curtailed our expenses. I thought so many times about going back to Ajit. But it would not have been the right option. I had left him on my own will inspite of his advice. And now I was neither here nor there. My only mistake and possibly the greatest had been to ditch to Ajit. Gaurav had tried hard to support us. He lost that fight. Was I also going to go down the same way?

Why is life always dictated by a series of choices and decisions that we make? Most of the times, we are forced to make certain choices. We aren’t even responsible for those choices, yet we are fully accountable. And we have to live with those choices. The past cannot be changed but helps us understand the mistakes that we had made.

I am sure Ajit would accept me with open arms. He loved me and cared for me a lot. It may even probably be the best for both us, or would it? Too much water has gone past the bridge. So many references and signposts have changed... and bridges burnt. Few years ago, I had made a decision by following my heart. Today I decided to follow my head.

As I looked around, I saw Neil waving his hands trying to grab my attention. The flight had arrived and I prepared to move on.