The Fool

It was about 9.30 in the evening when I drove out of the office parking lot. The rains that had tormented for the past hour had just tired itself to a drizzle and this had caused a huge influx of traffic on the roads. Cursing under my breath, I too joined the traffic jam. As luck would have it I got caught on the left lane of the road while I had to take a right turn at the next traffic. This meant I would have to cross over 3 lanes of traffic while going from left to right. I was going to annoy a lot of other drivers.

I tried to be patient waiting for the traffic to inch forward when I heard a tap on my co-driver side window. Through the fog that gathered on the window I could make out the figure of a woman. I rolled down the window and looked inquiringly at her. She had an oversize coat over her and most part of the face was covered … probably to protect from the rain. She told me that her car battery had died and that she had left it in her office parking. It was impossible to get an auto and asked me if I could drop her at the next traffic light. Usually I don’t even respond to such requests but that day maybe it was her voice or the genuineness of the situation, that to my own surprise I obliged.

After I put the car in gear I reached out and put on the FM Radio. The opening bars of the flute followed by bass guitar and strings, Kishore started – Kya yehi pyar hai. I thought to myself wow this man without being trained in classical singing could bring out any tune to life. Just as I was relaxing a question from the co-driver seat stumped me.

“Still crazy for RD?”

Hey, did she know me? I looked at her. As if on cue she removed the scarf and I saw her face. Gosh! Was she Nisha? But then this face was a lot more rounded. The hair had lost its bounce. Or was it because of the damp weather? Suddenly the voice that I had heard made sense. It was her! My brain had only followed the voice. How long was it? Ten years? Twelve years? Openly I just looked at her questioningly.

“Still crazy for RD?” She repeated and then smiled. “And I bet all the CD’s in the changer are RD too! Yes it’s me. Fourteen years, right?”

She could almost read my mind.

“Have you written that thesis on RD’s music? Did you manage to complete your collection of his unpublished works? You have grayed so fast. Thirty two is not the right time to have white hair”

She was just going on. As if the gap of fourteen years did not exist. I was still searching for the right words to say.

“How is Anju?” She wouldn’t stop. And hey how did she know her?

“She’s good.”

“Kids?”

“One. Girl - Kalika” Atlast I found my voice.

“You always liked these petite and dainty sounding names.” She smiled.

“You?”

“Married to Hemant. Mother of Soni. What’s the update?”

I went into flashback mode.

While in professional college, I somehow always knew that Nisha had a soft corner for me. I liked her a lot and like being with her but never really thought that I should reciprocate. There wasn’t any reason for me “reject” her. Had I ever popped the question to her I knew she would have said yes. Maybe that’s why I never did. Maybe I expected her to spell it out for me. Maybe I had an inflated ego that a good looking girl is in love with me. Maybe I was too immature to feel that way.

On the last day of college she told me that it was her last day in the city. Her family wanted her back very soon. I knew she wanted me to ask her to stay back …. atleast for a few days. She looked at me. The expectant look in her eyes spoke a lot.

And I heard myself saying,”So you are leaving?”

I diddn’t have the courage or maturity to ask her home address or number. What a fool I had been. All I had to do was to extend my hands towards her. It was like I almost had the world in my hands but diddn’t have the presence of mind to take it to my heart.

She looked at me. Our eyes locked for a few moments and then she said, “Bye” and walked away. As she was walking I thought she tried to turnaround to steal a glance. I thought I should call out to her and let her know that I made a mistake and that she should come back. I did nothing.

After that I got a job and became too busy and disconnected with emotions. Some years later on a free day as I was recollecting a lot of things it struck me that that was the first and last time that she said “Bye” to me. She had never said “Bye” to me when we were together. This meant a lot but it took me a few years to realize that. I tried to find her through our common friends without any success. And today after so many years she is with me in my car.

“I’ll get down here. Thanks”, she said. Suddenly I came back to the present.

She looked at me as she got down from the car and our eyes engaged. I still could not read the emotion in her eyes. Was that affection or pity? The door closed leaving me fumbling to find the right emotion. By this time the song had changed. Ghulam Ali was singing

Apni ankhonmein chhupa rakhke hain aansoo maine

Apni palkonpe sajaa rakh ke hain jugnu maine

Meri ankhonko bhi barsaat ka mouka de de ....

Her version
There are days when nothing happens and days when so much seems to happen within a span of few hours. I was trying to find a better solution to travel home in that downpour after my car refused to start, when I saw a car in the left lane that was approaching the roads cautiously. With uncertainty I knocked on the window. I couldn’t make out the face inside the car but could see a persons company id card was on the dashboard. That assured me that the person inside was atleast not of the “driver” type.

I noticed that conservative colours of the seats and stole a glance at the driver. Oh my God! Though I hid my surprise I was sure it was “HIM”. Wow …… after so many years. He diddn’t even bother to look at the person he had offered lift. The same extra cool attitude. I always wondered if this attitude was to avoid taking decisions or was it pure laziness. As I continued to steal glances I noticed that he had not changed. Just put on some weight.

He reached out for the CD/radio and put on “Kya Yehi Pyar Hai”. He was mad about RD Burman. In college we used to tease him on this. He was planning to do a PhD on RD’s music and had also gathered a lot of information.

I couldn’t stop myself and I started the conversation. He appeared startled when I asked him about his family. I couldn’t make out if he was happy meeting me. He was probably searching for the right expression!

We had been in the same college. I was in love with him. He was passionate with whatever he did. He rarely expressed himself. I knew that he liked to be with me and was most comfortable with me but each time I expected him to blurt out those three words I found him holding himself. I had dropped subtle hints more than once but he never responded. He would have made a very loving husband and a caring father.

The day our degree exams got over was the last time we met. I told him that I had to go back to my town. I wanted him to stop me. I diddn’t want to leave him. It was not necessary that he shared the same feelings that I had for him. But he could atleast have shown response to my feelings We could have been friends forever. But he never did. I also thought of asking him directly and then something inside me told me to hold myself. This could not be a one way thing. If he really did not have any feelings for me it would have been very difficult for him to say no to me.

I decided to walk away. I wanted him to call me and to stop me. That day for the first time in so many years, I fought my tears as I left him. There was this urge to turn around and ask him but I continued to walk away.

I came back to the present. He was still silent. Was he also recollecting the moments that we had shared? I couldn’t bear it anymore. I asked him to pull over, thanked him and stepped out without bothering to know where I was.